A SENIOR MOMENT... I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS!!!

A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.

Dear Sir,
              I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly  deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has  only been in place for a mere thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight   pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.  As they say, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. 
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: 
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date for the Authorized Contact.)
8. To return to the main menu, and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
  
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. 
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. 
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.   Your Humble Client,
Myrtle J Watson. 

DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!

Who should I vote for?

The level of ‘TRUST’ in a society is reflected in the health, wealth and happiness of the population.
‘People Are Our Greatest Asset’ may be an overused cliché but it is the citizens of this country who provide the innovation and effort (which translates to money) which funds government and, to be trusted, they need to start trusting the citizens rather than spending a disproportionate amount of our money trying to catch us out. It seems that we are now all 'guilty until proven innocent'!
I can’t recall (was it Plato? Stephen Fry will know) who stated that “90% of the population don’t need governing and the other 10% are ungovernable”.
I support any policy from any party which encourages and enables individuals and companies to innovate (UK’s greatest global contribution) and produce rather than adding to the deterrent of increasing form filling (including front line staff in the public sector) and the disincentives of higher taxes.
More 'trust' results in more money – for all.

This will make you think!

A palindrome reads the same backwards as forward.

This video reads the exact opposite backwards as forward.

Not only does it read the opposite, the meaning is the exact opposite.

This is only a 1 minute, 44 second video and it is brilliant.

Make sure you read as well as listen…forward and backward

This video was submitted in a contest by a 20-year old.

The contest was titled "u @ 50"  by  AARP.

When they showed it, everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause.

So simple and yet so brilliant.

Take a minute and watch it.

How many zeros in a billion?

The  next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A.

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C.

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D.

A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E.

A billion Pounds ago was only 13 hours and 12 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.